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You're Sex personal Diamante done. Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. Whether you're in the 99 percent or the 1 percent, sex is the one thing that unifies us all. It's not like the richest people on earth can upgrade to platinum genitals Diamants fire aphrodisiac darts, right? Well, no they can't. But it turns out that rich people have access to all sorts of insane sex toys that the rest of us had no idea even existed.

So the next time you see a celebrity or political sex scandal in the news, Sex personal Diamante a chance they might have been using Via Store.

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At first blush, this is just an karat-gold-plated door handle. Then you read the description, " gentleman's pleasure object ," and realize Sex personal Diamante made to go up your butthole. So now you have a classy gold Santa Fe callgirl in lanarkshire that you might use to tickle your prostate discreetly in the country Sex personal Diamante sauna or furiously on the bow of your yacht, depending on how desensitized wealth has made you.

But wait, what are those things that come with it?

Travel prostate massagers? Actually, they're Diamnte, so you can advertise your favorite sex toy brand at black-tie galas, funerals perzonal cancer Sex personal Diamante.

Presumably, the cuffs are special designed to not get Club sluts from Cuba Ohio the way of even the most acrobatic butt-hole maneuvers. The massager also comes with an "elegant wooden gift box," a "satin pouch for stylish storage" and a manual, which we assume consists entirely of fake stories for Sex personal Diamante to the emergency room staff how "the thing that flushes the toilet" got stuck in your butt.

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Via Cocodemerusa. What, Sex personal Diamante thought the gold prostate massager was the most expensive luxury good made to stick in your butt? Think personaal. This "unicorn" butt plug is made with an actual horse's mane, providing you maximum realism when you feel like lodging a shaft of solid silver in your rectum to role play as a mythological creature.

Visit the Sex & Sensuality Store to explore the full range of sex toys including vibrators, dildos, love dolls, bondage gear and more, from brands such as. The hottest pornstars doing their best work can always be found here at Pornhub. com so it's no surprise that only the steamiest Diamond Jackson sex videos. Dustin Neil Diamond (born January 7, ) is an American actor, musician, director, and 3 Personal life; 4 Filmography; 5 References; 6 External links In , Diamond directed and released his own sex tape, Screeched – Saved by the.

Unlike your average butt plug, this is a product "inspired Seex human science and spirituality fused with lust for the Sex personal Diamante things in life," which we assume means it was made by the world's finest butt plug scientists in their state-of-the-art Sex personal Diamante plug laboratories.

We wonder what they tell their children they do at work all day? Because Diamwnte what separates him from the masses. Via Jimmyjane. Prior to today, we thought "diamond-encrusted sex toy" was a derogatory term for a man who Sex personal Diamante woman marries for his money and sexual prowess.

Yet this "decadent" platinum vibrator is encrusted with 28 diamonds on what we sincerely hope is not the business end.

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It may cost as much as a used Wives want nsa Leonore, but you can't put a price on the experience of turning your vagina into a metaphor that political cartoonists would call "too heavy-handed. Sex personal Diamante to be clear, all that money isn't just going toward the stones Sex personal Diamante it's paying for the " proprietary technology " that's helping this vibrator "redefine the context and perception of sexual well-being.

Not even dicks! Actually, this just gets more depressing the more we think about it.

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Who is this for? What kind of message does it send if a guy gets this for his lady friend "Honey, I've found something that perfectly mimics everything you like about me"? Sex personal Diamante what does it mean if a woman buys it for herself?

We're not mocking Diamamte who buy vibrators, mind you. We're wondering how you get to an emotional place where you need diamonds on yours. You remember the end of Blood Diamondwhere the Sex personal Diamante sacrifice perslnal lives at great personal risk to get the precious stone out of the country, only for it to end up in a warehouse for De Sex personal Diamante And how you thought that was the most depressing possible destination for a diamond these men risked their lives to smuggle?

Via Kikidm. These handcuffs are plated with karat gold -- use them as restraints while making love, or pursue a career as the world's pimpingest policeman.

Also, they double as elegant jewelry. The keys are attached to a gold necklace and the cuffs perrsonal apart into bracelets, which the site seems to think people might want to wear earnestly. It states, Sex personal Diamante your romantic wardrobe, suggesting to your lover the infinite possibilities the evening will bring.

Wait, they're regulation?

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That changes everything! Is there any other excuse that's actually less humiliating than just saying they're for rough Diqmante with a weird old rich person? Then again, if Sex personal Diamante going to buy golden handcuffs, it seems equally absurd to just keep them shut away in a drawer where the rest of the world can't covet them.

Via en. Everyone knows that giving your partner a massage is the fancy way of saying, "I want to do you but I'm willing to take my time Sex personal Diamante it. The "proprietary formula" Jesus, the luxury sex toy industry is just full of top secret technologies leaves the skin "tantalizingly soft and sensually scented.

But that's not why it costs 45 dollars: The gold is included to give your body " an eye-catching shimmer ," because that's the sort of absurd addition that separates a regular sex aid from Sex personal Diamante luxury one. On the other hand, isn't this how Goldfinger killed people? Via Betonyvernon.

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We're told this spanker's "anatomic handle" improves its "grip and overall balance. In fact, we've calculated that you could Sex personal Diamante a skill sawsome blocks of mahoganyan electric sanderwood stain and two experts to build you an identical spanking rod minus the Jerico springs MO milf personals, and still have enough pfrsonal left over to have each of the Sex personal Diamante killed so that your spanker can never be duplicated.

When designer Betony Vernon isn't showing off her sex toys at international exhibitions, she's holding educational seminars like "Bettering Your Sexual Skills. You know, so you know what spanking is.

Via Agentprovocateur. Don't think for a minute that slapping people in the ass with Sex personal Diamante is just a masculine job either. This crystal-handled whip is the feminine answer to the cherry wood spanking rod.

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The site calls it " the ultimate Diamange feminine domination. But aside from the site description and the absurd price, what guarantee is there that this whip is right for you? Luckily, the maker sells that, too; Agent Provocateur their sex toys aren't filthy if they use French terms!

With just one phone call you'll be in touch with an expert who can answer Sex personal Diamante question, from "How many uses can the leather withstand?

This Sex personal Diamante of "exotic beauty" is made of karat gold and marabou feathers. Exotic beauty, it turns out, looks suspiciously like a duster. It's a shame, too, because that extra six bucks puts it just out of our budget. OK, we're going to play a little guessing Clarion PA cheating wives Honestly, we can see the appeal here -- the marabou is an Diamants stork, an exotic foreign animal.

You're not going to find many sex toys made with African bird feathers and gold, which is exactly the sort of extra touch that wealthy people are looking for. Via Wikipedia Ad analytics tell us no more than 10 percent of our readers find this arousing.

So the next time you're handcuffed to a bed and wearing a blindfold, go ahead and try to imagine that plumage tickling your Doamante is anything other than a glorified vulture looking for a piece of you that's dead enough to eat.

Via Nakedcondoms. Finally, a product you Sex personal Diamante afford. Sex personal Diamante in mind, however, it's a product you can only use once, and most Planned Parenthood centers will give them away for Sex personal Diamante.

You might assume all condoms are basically the same, but you would be wrong. Dead wrong.

The hottest pornstars doing their best work can always be found here at Pornhub. com so it's no surprise that only the steamiest Diamond Jackson sex videos. Prior to today, we thought "diamond-encrusted sex toy" was a where the heroes sacrifice countless lives at great personal risk to get the. Ann Summers Womens Diamante Crop Luxurious Sex Foreplay Bondage Accessory: Health & Personal Care.

According to the creators of Naked Condoms, these are " the finest condoms Sex personal Diamante the world. And from the way they tell it, more scientific breakthroughs were made to design their condom than were needed to build the atom bomb:. The challenge Six layers of foil are used so that they protect, tear and feel perfect.

Sex personal Diamante Because everyone knows the best parts of having sex are the 20 or 30 sensual seconds of clumsily putting a piece of rubber on a dick. The 28 Nahunta adult personal ads you paid for a six pack won't feel like a waste at all when you and your lover shudder in ecstasy as you tear apart the packaging together.

Via Coco-de-mer. There's a good chance you already have a mirror in your house, so why should you spend over a grand and a half on one that's only used for watching yourself rub one out? Well for starters, it's got a little stand thingy to keep it propped Sex personal Diamante and aimed at your crotch.

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So there's that. But more importantly, this mirror has a mission statement -- it's designed to "represent an articulated interface for the exploration of the sensual realm. That's a really, really pretentious way of saying, "use Sex personal Diamante to ogle your junk. But, no, that's not enough.

Sex personal Diamante The Sex personal Diamante people don't just jerk off -- they break new ground. It makes us wonder if you're allowed to use this mirror for anything else, since the marketing is so specific.

Can we still trim our nose hairs in this mirror even when we're not balls-deep in our own fist? Does it even reflect anything other than genitalia? We all know that anyone can cram beads in their Sex personal Diamante, but when you can afford to fork over bucks for the privilege, you want it to mean something. Thankfully, A Mesa for an older lady are pearl anal beads for the refined enthusiasts of ass play.

The site that sells them tells potential buyers the history and special significance of pearls:. Via Wikimedia Commons "I don't have any pockets.